I told my writer friend Annie not to get her hair cut on a Friday in March but did she listen to me? No. Now she has the locks of a forest elf and only herself to blame. Hmph. The almanac never lies. So here are my predictions for fortuitous and unlucky events over the next week. Ignore them and you shall suffer my withering glare.
– ‘Tis a Waxing Crescent moon tonight. On no account look at yourself in the mirror while combing your hair, lest you want to wake in the morn with twice as much hair as you went to bed with. Unless you need more hair, then that is exactly what you should do.
– Tonight is also a perilous night for hexing. All hexes will bounce back on you three-fold, and that goes for ill-wishing too. Save your hexes for tomorrow, when they will have ultimate potency. Especially vomitous ones.
– Beware men with curly beards on Tuesday unless they carry a ferret, in which case they will bring you great luck.
– Wednesday is particularly fortuitous for anyone with red hair to win pointless arguments.
– Friday is a good day for wish granting, however I am only working a half day so please do not be disappointed if I am not able to manage your request. Godmothers need a work-life balance too, you know. And if you send me any more wishes with the words ‘true love’, ‘money’ or ‘marriage’ in it I swear I shall vomit myself into next week. I yearn a good smiting, so if there is anyone you know who truly deserves a really good hex I shall be only too pleased to oblige. Genuine cases only.
Good days for hexing – Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday.
Good days for Glaring – There is no unfortuitous day to Glare this week.